It’s been six weeks since I started Muay Thai training. Its played a part of influence in a massive shift within and outside of myself. It’s made me aware of my leadership mentality, but also aware of my inability to commit to it and right now if I am truly honest, my tasks are selfish. I am paying off the debts, (literally and mentally) that I accumlated when I went into withdrawal and did not share what I had with the world. And as I start to pay of those debts, I feel the grief and anger rise up to release itself for an obvious display. Some things have to be lived out and those who do not pay their debts end up stuck in a place unable to move forward.
Going back ten years, Muay Thai was always on the table, but I never started because I was a little busy hopping from country to country and home to home. I didn’t know I would fall inlove with it.
I was always meant to be here. Conflict is part of my nature. I enjoy fighting, I always have. I enjoy the game of it. And if I win ever anything, it best be worth fighting for, otherwise fuck the game!
Actively training makes me feel alive. I’ve watched the past six weeks wash away negative aspects of my life while the postive ones stick around – bad habits remove themselves without even having to be asked. Yet, I still cling on, because the debts have not been fully paid.
The physical training is easy but the mental training is hard. My pain threshold is ridiclously high, but its not stillness and strength I need to master, it’s movement. Its learning how to feedback to other people, how to play friendly, how to support others and how to give myself freely while holding onto my core. I didn’t think the power of vocal cords would be so important in marital arts. It’s making me open up to the idea of fun, because my idea of fun has always been to test the limitations of death, but since I refuse to die, I am having to learn new ways of having fun.
Sometimes I stand in the class and I wonder what the point of it is? On a physical level I mean. Historically, most, if not all, martial arts invented itself as a survival techniue to fight off the invadors, the enemy – the people who were trying to take away people’s land and their freedom. The strongest in battle would win by right of power and human strength.
And then guns were invented, which pissed all over honour and respect for one’s physical capacity to hold themselves. And now we have bombs which piss on it even more. My kicks to your chest will not stop a bomb from exploding. Bombs lack all sense of honour, but what use is honour when the enemy plays unfairly?
Then it came to me. We ARE fighting for freedom.
Except in today’s modern world its not physical freedom. My fists may not disarm a bomb, but my intellect can. There are no men here in the West trying to take away our land (Yeah evicitons happen but they can be fought), and nobody is forcefully sending us away to concentration camps. That is the history of our parents, our grandparents and our ancestors. Yes it is happening in Syria right now, but it is not happening to us.
No – we are here, fighting a mental battle. This is a battle of will power. We fight against a corrupt system built on ignorance and past slavery and invasions. We fight against artifically modified foods that damage our biological system. We fight against economic oppression and we fight against rigid education systems. We fight against depression and boredom in a world where people are expected to constantly consume; the consumption that makes us heavy.
We create new things by destroying what the old people of the country we happen to be born in created. We simply need to outlive them and place ourselves in the forefront for the next generations to be able to build a better world with real knowledge and understanding.
Nowhere are we told, “if you’re bored, go out and play” – that’s something we have to work out for ourselves. Adeventures don’t just happen. You have to go out and explore what the world has to offer.